Breaking the Barriers to Feedback

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Effectively delivering and receiving performance feedback in the workplace is a challenge for many leaders – it can be emotional, scary, and unpredictable – and therefore, it can be easy to avoid. However, getting good at both giving and receiving feedback can make a huge difference in an organization, and in people’s lives and careers. Given and receiving feedback regularly can help make it easier over time – done regularly and well, it is an effective way to get results.

Steps to Delivering Effective Feedback

Delivering effective feedback is easier when you have a standard approach to doing it. Here’s a step-by-step approach to help make your feedback more constructive and impactful.

Prepare Your Message - Before delivering feedback, take time to clarify your intent, goals, and key message. Identify specific behaviors or outcomes rather than vague impressions. Also, be prepared to share the impacts – why it matters to the business or the relationship. Plan to keep feedback objective and actionable and anticipate explanations and responses. Avoid rushing this preparation step, as clear communication is critical for the receiver's understanding.
Choose the Right Setting - Feedback should be delivered in a private, comfortable setting. This allows the person to receive it without feeling exposed or defensive, fostering a sense of respect and confidentiality. Keep a box of tissues nearby in case it gets emotional.
Focus on Behavior, Not the Person - Effective feedback should address behaviors and their impacts rather than personal attributes. Use specific examples, focusing on actions rather than making assumptions about the individual. For example, instead of saying, “You’re not committed,” say, “I noticed the project was submitted late without prior notice, which affected the timeline.”
Use a Constructive Tone - Try to be positive and supportive where you can, even when delivering critical feedback. A constructive tone helps the individual feel valued and more open to improvement. Harsh or accusatory language can trigger defensiveness.
Encourage Dialogue - Invite the person to share their perspective and respond to your feedback. Active listening shows respect and is likely to give added context that might influence the feedback. It also helps the receiver feel engaged and understood.
Suggest Clear Next Steps - Effective feedback should be actionable. Provide specific suggestions or goals to guide improvement. Outline clear, achievable steps for change, making the feedback practical rather than abstract.
Follow Up - Check in after a period to discuss progress. Following up reinforces the feedback, showing a commitment to their growth and the relationship's positive impact.

Following these steps can help you effectively use feedback as a tool for development, helping others reach their full potential.

Receiving Performance Feedback Graciously

While feedback sounds like a good thing, many people don’t like the idea of being told what they’re not doing well. However, the ability to constructively hear and respond to feedback can make a huge difference in a career – appearing to be coachable and open to growth raises your profile with leaders.

Here’s an example. One leader we worked with had an employee who was always quick to volunteer for tasks and committed to deadlines to complete those tasks. But most of the time, he didn’t deliver on his promises. Over about 15 months, some of the commitments he made (and didn’t deliver on) affected the leader and other team members, mostly because they had to pick up the slack and explain delays to more senior leaders. Some feedback was needed.

The leader set up a private meeting and told the employee she loved his enthusiasm for getting things done. She shared that she wondered if he was taking on too many things at the same time. She gave him three instances over the previous year when he was not able to deliver by the deadlines that he committed to, without trying to re-negotiate those deadlines. She explained how this could affect his credibility, and that people could easily misjudge his intention as a result of his actions. While he thanked the leader for taking the time to discuss this with him, she could tell that he didn’t like what happened.

For example, during the half-hour discussion, he used the phrase, “I take an exception to that” at least twice. He also asked the leader what right she had to come to him with “accusations” that had no basis. Because of his reaction, the leader thought less of the employee, was less inclined to give him constructive feedback in the future, and avoided giving him new tasks outside his standard work.

This highlights the many reasons for receiving feedback politely. We each have blind spots, and it can be really helpful to have people tell you what they are seeing. Don’t do anything that will stop that flow of potentially useful advice.

Here are three approaches that can be helpful.

Don’t be Defensive. Resist the temptation to be defensive or offer justifications, even if that’s how you feel. It can be difficult to receive negative feedback without being defensive. As humans, we don’t like someone telling us what we’re not doing well. It bruises our egos. And that’s true even when we already know that we have opportunities to improve in those areas.
Don’t Wait, Ask! The easiest way to signal that you are interested in feedback is to actively ask for it. Most of the time, the advice you get will be to your benefit – and if it isn’t, you can choose what to implement and not. Assume people giving you the feedback are doing it for your and the organization’s best interest. When you ask for feedback, the sting becomes less painful.
Thank them! No matter how ridiculous the feedback seems to you, or how angry you are, thank the person for having the courage to speak up. This is especially true if they’re not in a position of authority over you. Let them know how much you appreciate the fact that they have your best interests at heart. Take a few days to think about what they say, and if necessary, approach them later to ask clarifying questions. Show you are coachable and willing to listen.

Remind yourself that the goal of the feedback is to make you better. Learn to listen and internalize what you hear before responding. If you become defensive or attack them, you’ll be cutting off the flow of valued and useful inputs that could help you grow. Respond with grace and humility.

Key Skills Supporting Feedback Delivery

Let’s look at some communication skills that can help both leaders and employees – and feedback givers and receivers - maximize the benefits of feedback conversations.

Curiosity is a very important aspect of feedback and active communication. Why does the other person do things they do? Asking this with genuine curiosity leads to open conversations and two-way dialogue. Here’s an example: “Bob, I was hoping you might walk me through how you approach Task ABC, as I’d like to look at how we might save some time there. When could we do that?” This is a transparent and open question, with a goal – and does not pre-suppose a solution or corrective action. Much better than, “Bob, you really need to do Task ABC faster.”
Listening must accompany curiosity for success. Check to see how often you interrupt others – if that’s a habit for you; realize its impact as a key barrier to effective communication. Force yourself to really listen all the way through what someone else has to say – and then paraphrase it back to them. This tests your understanding and shows that you really heard the other person.
Acceptance of Complexity. In today’s world, many of us focus communication on the quick win. Assigning the task, getting a Yes or No, checking the box. Rarely are difficult topics – including feedback - and rarely is one person fully right and the other fully wrong. When difficult feedback is needed, take a deep breath and commit to learning the other person’s story. Accepting complexity is a great way to improve your communication skills at work.
Vulnerability. It’s hard to admit that you are wrong or that you screwed up. Giving and receiving feedback, though, requires that you be open to the possibility that you hurt another person, misread a situation, or just made an incorrect assumption. Being open is being vulnerable – and is one of the key skills underlying effective communication.

Communication and feedback are key to both organizational performance and employee engagement. These four skills – curiosity, listening, acceptance of complexity, and vulnerability – are vital support tools to maximize the benefit of the feedback experience.

Training Resources for Building Feedback Skills

Giving and receiving feedback is an important part of managing others and developing your skills. Pryor’s online and in-person training on Management and Leadership can help you develop these skills described above. Here are some good examples: